Top 50+ Funny Happy Mother’s Day 2017 Quotes

“If evolution really works, how come Mothers only have two hands?” -Milton Berle

“I need you, I need you here, I need you now. I cannot do this alone. I need my Mommy, and dammit, I don’t care who knows it.” ? Rory, Gilmore Girls

“It is never easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”

“When I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. In a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead.” -Jeff Shaw

“Sometimes, when I want to take on the world, I try to remember that it’s just as important to sit down and ask my son how he’s feeling or talk to him about life.” ? Angelina Jolie

“I’d like to be the ideal mother, but I’m too busy raising my kids.”

“My instinct is to protect my children from pain. But adversity is often the thing that gives us character and backbone. It’s always been a struggle for me to back off and let my children go through difficult experiences.” ? Nicole Kidman

“When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.” -Erma Bombeck

“Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.”

“Being a mom has made me really tired and so happy.” — Tina Fey

“Working mothers are guinea pigs in a scientific experiment to show that sleep is not necessary to human life.”

“If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says ‘keep away from children’” -Susan Savannah

“As far as I’m concerned, there’s no job more important on the planet than being a mom.” — Mark Wahlberg

“Setting a good example for your children takes all the fun out of middle age.” -William Feather

“This is what we do, my mother’s life said. We find ourselves in the sacrifices we make.” ? Cammie McGovern

“I love to play hide and seek with my kid, but some days my goal is to find a hiding place where he can’t find me until after high school.”

“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” -Phyllis Diller

“He didn’t realize that love is powerful as your mother’s for you leaves its own mark.” ? J.K. Rowling

“My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.” -Buddy Hackett

“Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.” -Ambrose Bierce

“Mother’s love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved.” — Eric Fromm

“There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it.” -Chinese Proverb

“A mother’s arms are made of tenderness and children sleep soundly in them.” — Victor Hugo

“A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.” -Peter De Vries

“Mothers of teenagers know why animals eat their young.”

I hope you won’t remember that my graduation means the end of my financial dependency. Happy Mother’s Day!

A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car for ever after” ~ Peter De Vries

“Children are a great comfort in your old age – and they help you reach it faster, too.” -Lionel

Happy Mother’s Day to those women, who were intelligent enough to escape maternity.

“A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.” ~ Tenneva Jordan

It happens that I open my mouth and my mother comes out. Happy Mother’s Day!

“Parenthood is the passing of a baton, followed by a lifelong disagreement as to who dropped it.” -Robert Brault

Working mothers are guinea pigs in a scientific experiment to show that sleep is not necessary to human life.

Dear son, I hope you planned my Mother’s Day celebration more carefully than I did getting pregnant with you.

“Any mother could perform the jobs of several air-traffic controllers with ease.” ~ LisaAlther

“The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.” ~ Calvin Trillin

Mom, you brought me into a world where love can be expressed online.

“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” ~ Phyllis Diller

I am really happy that we even don’t need to say out loud that I’m your favorite child.

“My mother had to send me to the movies with my birth certificate, so that I wouldn’t have to pay the extra fifty cents that the adults had to pay.” ~ KareemAbdul-Jabbar

We have to wish Happy awkward Mother’s Day to all the stepmothers we know.

“Never rely on the glory of the morning nor the smiles of your mother-in-law.” ~ Japanese Proverb

“You know every story, every wound, every memory. Their whole life’s happiness is wrapped up in you…every single second.” ? Isabel, Stepmom

My mother had to send me to the movies with my birth certificate, so that I wouldn’t have to pay the extra fifty cents that the adults had to pay.

Mom, I hope to someday be half as brilliant, generous, and beautiful as you are, but twice as capable of using the Internet.

Happy Mother’s Day to the one person who believed I could do anything despite all evidence to the contrary.

“Even as a small child, I understood that women had secrets, and that some of these were only to be told to daughters. In this way we were bound together for eternity.” ? Alice Hoffman

“I will look after you and I will look after anybody you say needs to be looked after, any way you say. I am here. I brought my whole self to you. I am your mother.” ? Maya Angelou

I hope you won’t remember that my graduation means the end of my financial dependency. Happy Mother’s Day!

From tomorrow let’s get back to passively ignoring our mothers for the next 364 days.

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